Letters I Never Sent: Squid

It’s been a long time since I let someone get close to me.

It’s been a long time since I cared to get to know someone new.

I believed your innocent eyes and your soft touch.

You. I trusted you. I risked everything and this is how our story ends?

I let you strip my walls down, I let you see me vulnerable, I let you open up my heart and make a home for yourself.

It’s funny how the people you least expect to tear your heart in two are the ones who get you the worst.

I felt an emptiness, a sudden cold drift from your empty seat.

Nothing is quite the same without you. The days seem duller and my heart feels vacant.

I fought for you. I fought for all of us.

The days I spent crying and working to fix everything you spent with monsters in the darkness. Monsters who I’ve barely escaped. Monsters you were supposed to protect me from.

…maybe you’ve been one of them all along.

You broke an unspoken promise, you stained a pure love.

Two fucking days. That’s all you could hold out for?

You put up no fight, you made no grand gestures to prove your love and devotion. You just rolled over like a sick dog and let yourself destroy what hadn’t even been broken yet.

Time. That’s all I needed you to give me. Just some time to make everything right again. But you couldn’t. And now it’s all over.

I would have killed for you. You were in. We had a pact.

Everywhere I go I see us.

I miss your laugh and your warmth and your love. I miss the security it gave me to know you had my back. It was us against the world. They knew of us but they didn’t know us.

Now look what you’ve done.

You’ve let them in, you’ve let them feed on our insides, you’ve given them the secrets to our souls and our hearts.

You let them win.

A lot of people have abandoned me. You know I’ve been fucked over by the people you’re with as I write this, you know the cracks in my heart are constantly quaking and chipping.

How fucking dare you. How dare you look inside my body and my mind and then throw acid into my eyes.

All the I love you‘s

All the promises and tattered memories you left me with mean nothing.

I only see red now, shades of swirling crimson and bruised blues mixing into nasty demons that are consuming the love in my heart that I let you hold.

I loved you. I let you in because I trusted you. I fell in love with your sea green eyes and the way your mind was unlike anyone I’d ever talked to.

I want you to know that because of you I will never be the same. I will never put my faith into another human as long as I feel this awful knot inside me that you’ve tied.

I’ve cried and I’ve screamed until I felt like throwing up my insides. The wounds you’ve inflicted are deep and infected and they will not heal quickly nor painlessly.

I see now that you were never really mine. You never really felt like one of us because you aren’t. You’re a phony, a fake. You posed as someone like-minded to me, someone I loved and adored, someone I fell in love with and it was all a lie.

You aren’t like me. You aren’t strong. You aren’t capable of loyalty, you act on impulse. You are weak minded and that will always make you flighty and easily persuaded.

You will never find love as deep as the kind you drowned beneath inside my eyes.

I hope you never feel peace. I hope you feel pain and I hope you suffer a thousand times over again.

I hope when you are alone at night you think about the sun bathed memories we shared and all the things you loved about me. I hope you faintly smell my perfume every now and then and it brings you back to those long car rides and the way I laid my eyes on you. I hope you can never listen to those songs without the memories of me flooding into your vision and falling out of your eyes, streaking down your cheeks until you taste salty tears. I hope that when you see me you feel my heart, even for just a moment, and the damage you did.

You can’t undo this pain. You can’t undo this betrayal. You’ve humiliated me and let my throat get slit for you.

All in all,

Go Fuck Yourself. You are dead to me.




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