You don’t know what it’s like.
You don’t know the anguish and the dark empty spots you leave
You don’t know how it feels
To be forgotten.
Sure, maybe you want to believe that it didn’t happen.
That you miss me and think about me and hope I’m doing well.
But that’s shit to me.
I needed you.
I needed you to answer me, to keep the connection with me alive.
But you let it die.
So many promises and swears that we were friends forever
But forever doesn’t really mean anything for a kid, does it?
For me it did.
Forever meant that no matter where we were or what we were doing, I could talk to you like we always did and we would be there for each other.
Forever meant we would never grow apart, no, we would keep our bond and our friendship because that meant something.
Some say “move on” “let it be” “stop clinging to the past” “that was a long time ago”
These words are laced with venom and I hate them with ever atom of my body
I hate you.
I hate that you were warm and loving
You burrowed a place in my heart and my soul and filled it with your friendship and love and company
Then you left me with an empty hole that turned colder the more I faded from your view.
You hurt me.
My heart has abundant, gaping, cold, dark holes from all of you.
The way you forgot
The way you pretend that I still matter even though anyone could see that you would choose every other option over coming to see me or calling me
And if not another option than an excuse
I am not like you.
I do not forget
I fill the empty holes with the floods of memories we shared together
Memories I cherish and love
Memories you may look fondly back at once in a blue moon, if that.
You made me hard and cold
I have no interest in putting the energy into another one who will just leave another hole as devastating as yours.
I want you to know that I resent you
I resent your new me
I resent your new life
I resent everything that ever was between us
And I wish only that you feel sorrow and regret.
Because I am no longer that girl now.
I no longer love you, and I no longer want you.
The love and sadness has been replaced with anger and distance.
And I see only now that I was a fool.
I will fucking move on
I will let it be.
If you don’t like what you see just remember you did this to me.